Unintended consequences

Merisin · Post by **Merisin** » Tue 25 Jun 2013 18:18

I'm not sure if this is the right place to say this but I can't think of anywhere better. So here goes, hope you don't mind.

Some time back I had problems with social networking on the Internet and had to give up. But I did miss it and thought I'd give it another try in a very low key way. So I signed up for this forum and posted a few items. No problem. Confidence returning.

Next step the dreaded Facebook. Because there was a local FB group which appeared to be linked to this forum I asked to join. But I never had enough confidence to take part. Then they had a bit of trouble and relaunched. Well, I thought, why not give it a try. Big mistake. The moment I opened my mouth somebody jumped down my throat because I had a blank profile. This upset me. I decided to be more assertive. Like I said, big mistake. Next thing I know I'm banned. No warning, no reason given, no nothing.

About a week later I get a message from somebody asking me if I had been dumped or withdrawn voluntarily. I say I've been dumped. This starts a long exchange which is fascinating. It seems that if you upset the people who run the Facebook thing they kick you out and also cancel you on here. Nasty. And no explanations. Very rude. Seems I escaped the double whammy somehow.

Eventually we met up along with our respective OHs. What charming people they turned out to be. Next thing we know we're invited to a BBQ with loads of other English speakers. Former medics, TV executives, engineers, academics, diplomats and what have you. Even a retired bank manager. An amazing bunch and really friendly.

So a big thanks to you Facebook people. You did us a really good turn when you kicked us out. You closed one door on us but opened another. You did us a big favour!

Mary

blackduff · Post by **blackduff** » Tue 25 Jun 2013 19:40

Yeah Mary!!
I'm another non-facebook person who live without being part of that social group.

A few tidbits I read about members on facebook. They read their facebook data about 3+ hours per day. Wow, what a waste, in my opinion. Of course, this is just opinion.

One more tidbit: Twitter is increasing although it's still behind Facebook. Part of the reason is that the younger public on facebook are leaving, since the older public is joining at facebook. The young people want to go to "Their" place.

My sources of these tidbits came from the magazine PC Advisor (UK) as well as the Washington Post (US). The New York Times said some similar comments.

I can spend my 3+ hours for a siesta each day.

Mary, I think you're going in the right direction.

Blackduff

Robert Ferrieux · Post by **Robert Ferrieux** » Tue 25 Jun 2013 22:43

Next thing we know we're invited to a BBQ with loads of other English speakers. Former medics, TV executives, engineers, academics, diplomats and what have you. Even a retired bank manager.

Wow! You've come a long way, Baby *

Helen
* As the Virginia Slims ad used to say..

tia · Post by **tia** » Tue 25 Jun 2013 23:44

so I'm not the only one who was banned ! join the club mary, I upset them on the first facebook page, which then suddenly closed down after a remark I made. not worth bothering about, life is to short . Have to look at the good things, and from what I understand from your pôst you have made a few friends because of it so that's a good thing.

Santiago · Post by **Santiago** » Wed 26 Jun 2013 08:58

I'm a fan of Facebook on the whole. It's a very useful tool for forming social connections of all kinds. It's far more than just one group, like a forum. I know a lot of people don't like it but that's generally because they only see the bad side of it and/or they just don't understand it.

As regards the group in question, I can't answer for the admin but I can say that there are a lot of people in it who haven't been banned and seem to enjoy conversing and sharing their news, thoughts and experiences. It seems to be ticking along nicely.

But maybe I'm weird because I've never been banned from any forum or social networking group and am happy to partake in any that interest me and don't take sides. There will always be a few people in any group that annoy us but when we tar the whole group with the same brush, it says more about us than the group.

tia · Post by **tia** » Wed 26 Jun 2013 10:21

don't know what happened for the person who wrote this thread everybody has the right to interests and opinions, from what you say santiago people must agree or pretend to agree with what is said. If you disagree with something and actually dare to say it then you're banned . Oops, maybe kate should ban me from here as I have dared to disagree with something that has been said!! lol.
sorry kate if I'm going on a bit, just annoys me when people try to justify why someone has been banned for having an opinion. as you know I've been there. Won't comment anymore on this though as the facebook page in question and ad are now seperate and there's no point in bickering over each other.

Post by **Admin** » Wed 26 Jun 2013 13:33

D'you know Lise, I look at the passing of Dave Mulkeen, a lovely, non-judgemental, gentle soul, mentioned in another thread, and it makes all the 'agree and disagree' and 'my side and your side' and 'dont like him or dont like her' seem so totally daft.

Life can be hard enough, full of real life crises and challenges without the upset that a provocative post, wrongly worded sentence or difference of opinion about what is acceptable to post or not in the Lala land of the Internet.

Let's all try and get on, and get through it all as best as we can.

opas · Post by **opas** » Wed 26 Jun 2013 13:54

Exactly, it is so easy to misinterprate something, even written in our mother tongue.

I do not use FB, I have to confess I do not understand it.Maybe that is because I have not really listened when my girls have tried to explain or sheer lack of interest on my part.

Not sure which group I would join anyway, Dieters, Lancashire ex pats, scrubbers annon or I hate rip off builders

for make my own......Don't stress, keep your hair grey

tia · Post by **tia** » Wed 26 Jun 2013 20:10

life is too short so make the most of it while your here, that's my opinion anyway. I didn't know the person who passed away but have a good idea what he went through. I try to make the most of every day now as you never know what can happen tomorrow.

opas · Post by **opas** » Wed 26 Jun 2013 20:59

My sentiments exactly.

Cherish the life .

http://www.elyrics.net/read/k/kool-&-th ... yrics.html

Sue · Post by **Sue** » Wed 26 Jun 2013 21:38

Mine too. Saw that light at the end of the dark tunnel but I was lucky enough to be allowed back and not taken through. As Opas says things can be mistaken and taken out of context. Life is too short to fall out with each other.

tia · Post by **tia** » Wed 26 Jun 2013 21:52

love that song opas

carol sheridan · Post by **carol sheridan** » Thu 27 Jun 2013 14:43

I use Facebook to keep in touch with my family in England, Scotland and New Zealand, and with friends I have made on various forums.
I didn't realise you could use it for meeting people, although I have set up two 'private groups', one for my grandchildren and one for friends I have made on a forum for grandparents.
I have been a member of several expat forums, two of which collapsed because of vicious in-fighting. I was horribly bullied on one when I recounted an experience I had had in Vernet les Bains. I have been amazed at the vitriol some people direct at people they have never met - sometimes because they don't agree with their politics or religion, and sometimes, as in my own case, for no apparent reason at all.
On the other hand, I have met some very kind and interesting people, sometimes in person, and I will never forget our dear friend Roger.

Pearsonb · Post by **Pearsonb** » Thu 27 Jun 2013 15:33

Some people seem to think that what happens to them is universally true and don't accept that other people can have totally different experiences. For example, some people swear by the French education system while others swear at it. Even within my owm family, one child went happily from maternelle to French university while the other two asked to switch to the English system when they were 16. We are all different.

Pearson

PS i even once heard somebody say something nice about the RSI

Sandy M · Post by **Sandy M** » Thu 27 Jun 2013 19:21

What a beautiful post, mentioning Dave with such deep affection and warmth, Kate. No wonder we love you so much. You do know he thought the world of you, as do Pete and I xXx

Merisin · Post by **Merisin** » Sun 30 Jun 2013 11:15

I was surprised that my comments generated so many replies. Thank you all.

Looks like me and Tia think nearly the same. What do you get out of something that tries to be all soft and cuddly. Where fence sitting is the name of the game and opinions are dangerous? Boredom.

Not quite sure about turning the other cheek though. That only encourages the knife in the back brigade.

I really enjoy living in France and love sharing the experience with friends. In the real world that's dead easy but on the interweb seems almost impossible. Maybe it's Catch 22. People like me stay low profile because we don't really trust the system and that makes us easy targets.

Well that's all I have to say. Off out now to enjoy the day.

Mary

Sandy M · Post by **Sandy M** » Wed 03 Jul 2013 14:06

I have been part of Facebook for many years and I have had no problems at all and, since my husband Dave Mulkeen's untimely passing on 25th June, I have had so much love and support from Facebook friends worldwide, and members of this forum too, and also one of the other ex-pat forums. I have had masses of messages and my alter ego, Mairi Craw, the Scottish fantasy writer, has received hundreds too. There's a huge hole in my life that can never be filled, and I wish you had met Dave, Tia; the experience would have enriched your life, as every word Kate wrote about Dave is true. He was possibly the sweetest most caring man I have ever encountered, and full of fun too.

tia · Post by **tia** » Wed 03 Jul 2013 16:03

hi, wish I had met him , had heard a little about him and knew he had cancer. having just gone through chemo I fully understand what he must have gone through and in a way perhaps I'm a bit like him in the fact that I'm always positive and make the most out of life. When I was told I had cancer and that it was pretty advanced at first I panicked and cried . Then I shook myself out of it and decided that I had to fight and look forward to the good days, Will not know for another couple of months if I am out of the woods , so people life is to short, make the most of it while you can.
lisa

Santiago · Post by **Santiago** » Wed 03 Jul 2013 21:11

Those last couple of posts demonstrate what is good about social interaction on the internet. The key thing is that people have divulged a bit about themselves and that lets us know them better and empathise with them.

Humans are extremely sociable animals. Anything that increases sociability is good. Anything that diminishes it is bad.

Something to think about.

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