My Life in the P-O – Twenty Years On: Episode 6

Episode 1 :Twenty Years On
Episode 2 :Twenty Years On
Episode 3 :Twenty Years On4
Episode 4 :Twenty Years On
Episode 5 :Twenty Years On

When we lived in Leeds, we used to go skiing several times a year, usually to the Alpes, sometimes to Canada, both ‘en  famille’ and as a teacher on organised school trips. Since we moved to the foot of the Pyrenees, we rarely get up to the ski resorts in winter.

Less than two hours, a pretty drive up the mountain,  stunning scenery, a stop off at the beautiful medieval walled towns of Villefranche de Conflent and Mont Louis, maybe a stop at the hot baths of Saint Thomas…but we always seem to have something else to do! It was kind of easier from the Uk when you had to book in advance, start laying everything out on the bed two weeks before, arrive at the airport and start off with a beer at 4 30am to get that holiday feeling….but here, we just look at each other after seeing a snowy weather forecast and say “Shall we  go skiing tomorrow? Yeah, why not. We’ll bung a few bits and bats into the boot, leave the dog with the mother-in-law, and be back in time for tea.”

Next morning arrives. “Just need to pop into Céret and check the pool I’m working on” says Olivier. ‘Just need to pop into the office and put the newsletter on line” says Kate. And suddenly it’s midday. “Is it worth it?” we both ask. “No, we’ll hardly have any time skiing.  Maybe tomorrow. Put the kettle on.”!!

So last week we actually went skiing – the first time in several years! Global warming, freak winter, I  don’t know…but what I can say is if you have any doubts about the snow in the Pyrenees, compared to other, more trendy ski areas, forget them. The snow was amazing – but the Kateskiing was catastrophic! Have you seen Bambi on Ici? Well, imagine Bambi on skis – that was me. I do have photos but I’m too ashamed to post them, both because of my incredibly inelegant skiing and also because I wore my old, multicoloured  ski jacket, very fashionable 20 years ago and  you know how  they say that everything comes back into fashion?  Well, not this one! I know Font Romeu is hardly Saint Moritz or Zermatt, but I still stood out as Mrs Old & Dowdy – which of course affected my skiing!

So what can I say about Font Romeu? I know they’re working very hard to make it into a 4 seasons resort and it has some fun new  extras like zipwire, luge and enough snow cannons to make sure that they never run out of snow in winter. The town itself is okay. Nothing special, not quaint but it has everything you need, several decent hotels and a couple of really excellent restaurants like La Belle Epoque and La Table des Sauveurs.

And did you know that à burger with a fried egg on is called à burger/steak à cheval? Ne vous inquiètez pas. Nothing to do with horseys

Moving on, what do we think about shaking hands and kissing in winter? I’ve lived in France for many years. I worked for Brittany Ferries in Roscoff, I went to university in Strasbourg, I taught in Surgères near Là Rochelle and later Paris where I met my husband,   I have a large and lovely French family…but I still try to avoid la bise in winter…. and any other time that I can get away with it. Even after all these years, it just doesn’t come naturally to me.

My husband Olivier will tell you that he can tell if a person is British from their first ‘bise’. The way they hold themselves,  the way they launch…too fast, too hesitant….too enthusiastic. Many French are shocked and some frankly insulted (Not my friends and family. They already know that I’m grumpy and unsociable) to have their kisses repelled.  And I get it. This is what they have been doing from the cradle and it is as natural as breathing. But for many of us stiff upper lipped Britz,  (and many other nationalities I suspect) it is still rather awkward. What if they are looking  a little  sweaty, have bad dog/onion/ garlic, or mysterious lunch breath, are actively snotty, snuffling and sneezing or appear to be incubating something that would interest medical research…. Or quite simply what if there are so many in the room that one kiss will surely trigger a chain reaction that will take til hometime to finish the kissing ritual?

So how to avert an oncoming kisser without causing offense? “Va-t’en, tu pues”? No, absolutely unacceptable. “Beurk! Tu es tout(e) en sueur“? Hmmmm, maybe not. “Je suis contagieuse” may work, with a weak wave followed by a quick disappearing act in case they ask for details. Or how about “On fait comme pendant le Covid.”?  Ah, here’s an idea. Just wear your mask like bise armour wherever you go!

Anyway, if I still haven’t put you off having any social interaction with anybody, here are some vague kissing rules to bear in mind the next time you’re out and about.

Women kiss women (only ones they already have a friendly relationship with of course. Don’t go kissing the lady on reception at the dentist)
Men kiss women but shake hands with men (unless they are family or very close friends in which case men kiss men)
Children kiss everybody, including complete strangers.
If the ‘kissee’ is rather cute, or holding a puppy, make up your own rules!

And finally, we have fruit trees in our garden and we live on ‘piste cyclable’ so I often leave a basket outside with fruit from the trees and a sign to say ‘help yourself’. Yesterday I left a basket full of kumquats  They helped themselves….to everything. Basket included. Some human beings are just mean.  I refuse to be deterred and will continue trying to be kind and spread goodwill — but perhaps next time I’ll chain the basket to a tree.

D